Dear Journal,
It’s been a while, and I’m realizing that I need to come back to this space more often. More and more moments come up that I really need somewhere to gently unload. 🙂
Last night was the first scholarship award ceremony that included the scholarship we created through my mom’s memorial fund.
My mom was a dedicated school secretary in my hometown for 30 years. During the second half of her career, she worked at the high school before retiring in September 2024. She always had a special place in her heart for students who were struggling financially.
Growing up, I never truly felt like we were missing anything. My parents always gave my brothers and me what we needed and, honestly, much of what we wanted too. Of course, we didn’t get everything we asked for, but looking back, that was probably just good parenting. Even now, I still hear my mom’s voice in the back of my head saying:
“Do you need it, or do you want it?”
As an adult, I was once talking to my kids about how spoiled they are compared to how I grew up. I jokingly mentioned that I didn’t even know what zoos were as a child. My mom took that as me saying I never got to experience things growing up, and she became genuinely upset.
She reminded me that we had gone to the zoo once, but more importantly, that conversation became a moment where I realized just how hard my parents worked and sacrificed to make sure my two brothers and I always had what we needed. I learned later that my parents were often scraping together pennies behind the scenes while making sure we never felt that burden ourselves.
It wasn’t until my mom’s funeral service that I learned how much support she quietly gave to students in need — especially high school seniors. I heard story after story about how giving she was, but specifically from a teacher who said she would typically help around five seniors each year attend their senior trip when their families couldn’t afford it. She always did it discreetly without recognition. She never talked about it publicly, and she never even told me about it. I knew she would come visit my family in the city and stop at Costco beforehand to load up on snacks for the senior trip, but I never realized she and my dad were also helping financially behind the scenes.
After I graduated high school, my parents’ financial situation improved significantly. From that point on, especially from my mom, they made sure my brothers and I — and eventually their grandchildren — always had everything we needed and more.
Learning about the support she gave those students showed our community the same loving and generous heart that we had always known so well within our family. To honor that giving spirit, my dad, my brothers, and I decided that instead of flowers, creating a memorial fund in her name would be the best way to continue the kindness and support she gave to others.
Back to the ceremony.
I knew my brothers probably wouldn’t be able to emotionally handle attending, so I went with my dad. I tried my best to hold myself together, but walking into my old high school gym, seeing familiar faces, and hearing my mom’s name connected to something so meaningful completely overwhelmed me.
I was what I’d call a controlled emotional mess.
When they began talking about my mom’s memorial scholarship, I physically could not get myself out of my chair. Thankfully, I had already told my dad beforehand that I didn’t think I’d be able to walk up and personally hand the scholarship to the recipient.
The ceremony itself was beautiful — such a wonderful celebration of the graduating seniors.
For me, though, it was also a powerful reminder of the many big-hearted people who had walked through those school halls over the years. The foundation announced that over $86,000 in scholarships had been awarded to students this year alone. Hearing that number honestly shocked me. For a small town, that felt incredibly significant. Many of the memorial scholarships were named after people I remembered from my own years in high school, which made the evening even more emotional.
After working almost a full day, driving three hours there, attending the ceremony, and then driving three hours back home, I was completely exhausted.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally exhausted.
But I’m so incredibly grateful that I was able to be there for my dad and witness my mom still continuing to do good for the students she cared so deeply about. I plan to continue attending each year, and maybe someday I’ll even be able to physically participate in presenting the scholarship myself.
Right now, though, simply being there felt like enough.
With Love,
The Shattered and Glowing Mama